My Journey - The Re-defining of Me...

November 2012 - How did I get here...?

I was overweight, emotionally drained, physically unwell and mentally exhausted! 

A few days before starting my weight-loss journey

I had endured 18 months of hell with a very sick teenage son who was suffering at the hands of teenage depression. I could do nothing else but think of him and his well-being during the darker months. I was worried sick most of that time. Worried that I would lose my son to suicide. Those of you who have children, know how incredibly hard it is to watch your child get hurt. But imagine not being able to comfort them or take their pain away. That was my life for 18 months.  I would worry all day and when I knew my younger teenage son was at home, I knew David was safe. I would stay late at work to prep for the next day in the classroom. 

This created a vicious cycle. I would work late, which would test my patience and I would feel tired. So tired, that I couldn't bear to think about cooking dinner. I would call home and ask my boys, what take-aways do you want me to pick up on the way home? This went on for 18 months. I was focusing on David so much, I hadn't realised my own peril. Weight was slowly, but surely, piling on. I had ballooned out to a whopping 85kgs. 

I knew I was not comfortable with this... 

A warning sign was about to come - I had to buy new jeans and when I had finally for the first time in my entire life, had to purchase an item of clothing with size 18 on the tag. I knew things were not heading in the right direction for me.  I was still physically and mentally exhausted and I didn't have the energy to change things. I wasn't silly, I knew things had to change. 

But with anything in life, you have to be ready to make that change and for some of us there needs to be a trigger. That one moment in time, or a conversation, or a piece of information that makes everything make sense and you know what you have to do. For me it was a piece of very important and life changing information...   

That moment in time when you know things have to change...

The information I received was from my doctor.  My health had deteriorated to a point that I could not sit back and do nothing about my constant weight gain.  

I was sitting in my doctors office and my doctor had my test results back from a previous visit I had with him. My previous visit was to find out why I was experiencing fatigue, chest pains and dizziness.  My results showed, my blood sugar levels were very high and my cholesterol was even higher. So high that the doctor started discussing the possibility of taking cholesterol meds to reduce it!! I walked away from the doctors visit with so many emotions washing over me and my head was flooded with too many thoughts. I was angry with myself, I was worried about my health, I was devastated that my health had gotten this bad and the only person I could hold responsible for how bad things had gotten, was myself! 

I cried all the way home. I had terrible anxiety because I wasn't sure how I was going to fix things. One thing I did know was this, I had to fix things fast!  My doctor had given me advice to lose at least 10kgs in about 10 weeks.  This would drastically help my cause and hopefully keep me off medication for the time being. However, he didn't give me any advice on how to do this. Something that seems to be a problem in our society. We have to lose weight for medical reasons yet the people we go to for help often can't help us. 

I contacted my partner and told him about my doctors visit and he asked me what I was going to do about losing the weight the doctor had advised me to lose? I knew, in that moment, my time had come to join a weight loss group... 

Time to make a decision...

My mother had been a lifetime member with Weight Watchers. I had family and friends who had great success with Weight Watchers in the past and some of my friends were experiencing good weight loss success at the time.  All of these people helped me make up my mind to follow the way of Weight Watchers. I told my partner that I had made a decision and was keen to join Weight Watchers.  He is such a great person and joined me up that evening!!

I weighed myself that night to enter it into the online calculators - I embarrassingly entered 85kgs!! I was so busy at the time and couldn't get to a meeting, so I read everything I could on the WW online site and started tracking all the food I was eating and kept to the 26 points a day.

I was finally on my way to a healthier life...

The day had come...

The day had finally come where I was able to get to a Weight Watchers meeting. I was excited and anxious all in one. Excited to know that I was finally going to get the help and tools I needed to lose the weight I needed to lose, but anxious about being formally weighed and having to have that written down. I went along to a meeting with a friend, who had been going for a few months. I sat near the back and spent most of the meeting desperately trying to hold back the tears. I was so upset with myself, I was upset with how I had let myself get as heavy as I had gotten. I was upset with myself for neglecting my health and well-being. I was upset with not taking care of myself, so I could be around for my boys. I had done some damage to my body and health and it had to be fixed. My first meeting wasn't as scary as I thought and I found it very supportive and surprisingly inspirational and motivational. 

I had done it and now it was time for my life to change...

I had done it! I had attended my first meeting! I was no longer scared and anxious. I left feeling inspired and motivated for my week ahead and I had a few tips and tricks to use in the first week and beyond. I went home and took photos of myself in a bikini - front, side and back view! It was extremely difficult to do and I had visual proof that losing weight was not an option but a necessity for my health. I took my measurements and wrote them down. I got out some string and measured, cut and labelled it waist, butt, chest, thigh etc. I downloaded the  Weight Watchers app and started tracking everything I ate, drank, licked, sipped, and tasted! I cleared out my pantry of anything that would sabotage my progress. I revamped my shopping list and planned my food for the week a head...

Goal setting

As I was reading the stories and tips and tricks on the Weight Watchers website. Goal setting came up a lot. I love working towards goals, but I have never been very good at writing them or designing them for success. I knew that the key to my success was going to be setting small specific goals. Ones that had a shortish timeframe and were going to be achievable. I had in the past always set unrealistic goals that were almost impossible to achieve. Therefore, I knew in order to change that, I had to change my approach to goal setting. I started with a goal of losing my first 5% of my total weight. I achieved that in a timeframe shorter than the original allotted timeframe. From there on in my weight-loss journey and current staying at goal journey has been a series of small incremental goals with shortish timeframes and they are specific and realistic. 

Get out and get moving...

I had read a few articles on weight loss and exercise. I was thinking what am I going to do to get this weight off faster? Exercise sprung to mind and I knew that I would have to start this sooner rather than later. I have this wonderful friend called Jo, who had recently lost 27 kgs!! She was amazing with her weight loss and extremely inspirational. We started walking, we walked at night and I covered myself up and walked well away from my neighbourhood. I was embarrassed about how big I had gotten. But, walking next to Jo, with her new amazing looking body was great motivation. She had so many wonderful tips and tricks for weight loss and she was a good ear when I was having a tough week. We walked most days and started with a few kilometres. But as I got fitter for walking, we started to increase our distance and the terrain. We started walking 10kms + and we timed ourselves and would try to beat our previous time by striding it out on the footpaths in and around our neighbourhood (yes I got brave enough to walk around our neighbourhood). Walking with Jo was another highlight of my day. It was a time to debrief and celebrate success or re-evaluate for the coming day/week if things weren't going the way they should have been. One of the best tools in my armoury was exercise, it improved my weight loss numbers, it improved my well-being and it improved my energy. It toned me up as I was losing weight and it made me feel good. It was my new addiction. I was walking with Jo and doing own body weight exercised at home, which I found on Pinterest. I would spent time on Pinterest finding exercises I could do at home that would help my tone and overall weight loss. I was getting stronger!!... 

Achievements and safety in numbers...

While you are on a journey of weight loss, you are constantly looking for tips and tricks to help your success. I found that in my meetings. I was with like minded people who were incredibly inspirational. We shared our successes and our troubles. We all experienced highs and lows that is weight loss. We were there to support each other and no one was negative about anyones success or difficulties. It was always a positive experience. I still go to meetings from time to time and I still find myself being inspired by people who are embarking on, or who are half way through a weight loss journey. Because I know where they are coming from, but at the same time, I am inspired by their stories and their determination. One of my favourite things at meetings was finding out our total weight loss for the group, and celebrating someones weight loss success. It may be that a member had lost their first 5% or 10% of weight or maybe they were a year at goal or they had reached goal and were about to start maintenance. It was always a joyful time being able to celebrate with them and know that you couldn't wait to get to that goal ...

Summer 2012, Autumn, Winter 2013...

The months went by and the weight continued to drop off... I had gone from a scared and anxious first time Weight Watchers meeting member, who had a long journey a head of me. I was a member who sat in meetings and took in everything that Jacqui and Naomi, the lovely and knowledgeable Weight Watchers leaders, had to say. I took in tips and tricks from other members and I listened to what others did to achieve success. I had become well schooled in the world of weight loss, I read everything I could get my hands on and I would evaluate and synthesise information and decide what would help me succeed. I tried all sorts of ideas and I followed the programme to the dot. I was focused and I was determined to succeed. I had doubters constantly telling me that successful weight loss wasn't possible, I had experience back handed comments and what could only be called jealousy from some people who didn't share my determination. We will always experience a raft of emotions from others. But mostly I welcomed many wonderful comments and compliments about my weight loss success. It was extremely heartwarming to get close to goal and all of a sudden I was now the inspiration for others who were just embarking on their own weight loss journey. I had been losing weight over 3 seasons and finally it was time to stand on the scales to hear the most beautiful words any weight loss traveller can hear... 

You are at goal!! June 2013...

I was standing in line waiting for my turn to stand on the scales. I was excited and crossing my fingers at the same time, I was hoping and wishing that my week was going to produce the numbers on the scales that I wanted. It was an anxious wait, but well worth all the anxiety. Sharon, our lovely weight Watchers support staff member, got me to stand on the scales and the excitement on her face said it all. Well done girl, she said. You are at goal!! It was like being handed a completely new life and new body. I was at goal and I did this, I had put in the hard yards and I had used all the tools and support to help me succeed. I was bursting with excitement. I had set all those incremental goals to help me get to this moment and it was oh so worth it!! I sat there at that meeting feeling ten foot tall and bullet proof. I had done it, I had lost 25 kgs in 7 months. I had done it with share determination, persistence and consistency. 

Now what...? 

I was at goal and I was feeling amazing. But now what? I was on a maintenance programme, but now what? I had to find a new challenge. So, I joined the local gym and it was the best decision I had made since walking through the doors of Weight Watchers on that very first day. I knew I had to continue setting goals for myself and challenging myself and my abilities. I was fit, but I was not as fit and as strong as I wanted to be. I had goals to run/walk a 1/2 marathon. Jo and I had already signed up to do the Auckland half Marathon as walkers. I had signed up to do the Sculpt 6km run and the Walking Stars half (walking) Marathon. I was constantly throwing little goals at myself and it was, and is, the same for me in the gym...

Am I really that size...? Plus the Big Clear Out!

Wow! I was persistent, I was determined and I was consistent in my approach and attitude towards losing 25kgs with the Weight Watchers Programme. I was feeling proud of myself and I was managing well as I was maintaining my goal weight and increasing my fitness level. I was in a good place and I felt great. I still had some issues with buying clothes, as I had dropped 11 dress sizes (they count each drop so from 18 - 8 is 11 drops). My body had lost the weight, but my mind hadn't quiet caught up. Shop assistants would say, why did you choose a size 12? You are an 8 or a 6, in some clothes. Every time they said that, I would feel surprised that I was that size now? Really? Was my reply for quite a few months. I would get home and lay my new clothes out and think to myself, I can't believe how tiny they were, yet how comfortable I was in them. I would spend so much time pinching myself, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming... A friend had said to me that I needed to own my new size and not feel like I was only going to be in it temporarily. It was time to get rid of my old baggy wardrobe and make room for the new me and my new clothes. So, I got a few large black rubbish bags and I was going to get this job done!! I went through my wardrobe and drawers and anything that did not fit properly went into the goodwill bags ready for the Salvation Army. I finished up with 4 big bags and nothing left in my drawers and wardrobe. But that was ok. It was out with old to make way for the new!! I have since read a number of articles that say... do not keep just in case I put on weight clothes. Get rid of them!! I have, and it is so nice to walk into my wardrobe and everything in it is new or newish and FITS me. It is a very empowering place to be when you begin to own your new size.

Owning my New Size...

I had de-cluttered, actually I went all out 'chuck out' on my wardrobe and I was preparing my surroundings for the new me - the me I was going to continue to be. I had read in a weight loss magazine that many people who don't do the wardrobe 'chuck out' and don't fully accept and change their thinking about their new size. Will often put the weight back on. This is something I think any recent weight loss traveller, who has recently been on a weight loss journey, can appreciate. It is a scary thought and often not helped by ill meaning people who like to try and rain on your parade. But we are always going to get negative comments in anything we do. We just have to let them wash over us and move on, knowing that there are a lot more positive people out there than there are negative. I knew it was time to own my new size, I had to really own it. My new goal was shifting my mindset from size 18 to size 8. I was on the right track. I had removed my old clothes and passed them on. I now had to re-programme my brain to think like a thinner person. This meant, when shopping for clothes I didn't start looking at the medium sizes anymore, I had to force myself to look in the small and petite section. It took a few months, but I finally started to make the mind-shift and now it is second nature, I don't even give it a thought. I am a size 8 and I'm proud of that. I am 5ft 4 inches tall which is petite and now my weight matches my frame...

Healthy Life Awards...

Well, I had lost my weight, I was at goal and I was now eligible to enter the Healthy Life Awards (HLA). The Healthy Life Awards are a annual Weight Watchers weight loss awards. It celebrates the success of recent 'goal weight' members and members who have stayed at goal for a period of time. It was quiet an exciting time in my journey. It was a way to do what I am doing now and telling my story and how successful my journey was... The best thing was that they would choose 5 people from around New Zealand. That made it even more exciting to enter. I had awesome support from family and friends and other weight loss members to enter. I entered and...